These are all just my personal experiences, I imagine the journey is completely different for every parent going through something like this.
I’m 30wks today and as the weeks begin to count down, my anxiety is building back up. I cannot wait to meet him, to see which of us he looks like and see his personality grow, but I am terrified we won’t get the chance to get to know our son. It’s a rollercoaster of emotions on a daily basis.
*Pregnancy still sucks just as much as before the diagnosis. You just feel more guilty for not enjoying it because it’s the only time baby is safe.
*It becomes normal to have multiple hospital appointments and consultants far quicker than you think is possible.
*You suddenly have a vast array of acronyms and medical terms that you use in conversation like it’s nothing (but in reality you’re just winging it)
*Absolutely everything you wanted when it comes to birth goes out of the window. You have no/limited options as to how or when it happens. You probably can’t even choose where.
*Everytime someone reminds you it’s almost time to meet them, you are filled with equal amounts of excitement and dread because as soon as they’re here, they’re not safe anymore.
*Seeing other people’s babies and pregnancies makes you want to cry for everything you could have had. You are grieving for the life you began imagining as soon as you had a positive test.
*People saying “this is the easy part! Wait till baby’s here!” Takes on a whole new meaning and you want to throat punch them.
* Seeing the nursery furniture, sorting their clothes and planning the future is still exciting but that dark little voice in your head still says “what if they never come home to use it”
* Everyone copes differently and those methods can clash. I struggle to see past the next stage and focus on that but find it really hard to talk about future plans. I want to make the most of the present.
* The anger is real. Anger at the world and at how unfair life is. It will hit you at random times and because of random triggers.
* If people ask you about future children you want to scream. How can I think about any others when this one needs me so badly.
* You will second guess yourself. Seeing stories of other people’s journeys down similar paths will make you question everything you’re choosing to do.
*Equally, seeing the journeys of similar families gives you the strength and hope you need to get up in the morning. I am in awe of the parents who have done this before me and I can only hope to be half as strong as they have been.
Our HRHS Journey 