first time mum – Our HRHS Journey

A year.

Today, September 7th 2021, marks a year to the day that we went for an early scan and saw you for the first time. Your dad had to sit 2m away from me and all I wanted was to hold his hand. Seeing his face when he saw you for the first time, little Sprout,Continue reading “A year.”

Not Everything Happens for a Reason

“You’re only sent that which you’re strong enough to cope with” “Everything happens for a reason” “Special babies are only given to special parents” I don’t mean to offend anyone when I say that to me, those sayings, and any similar, are horseshit. I don’t actually believe I am strong enough to cope with theContinue reading “Not Everything Happens for a Reason”

Coming Home

We picked our son up on July 2nd and brought him home. Something we both held on to while in hospital with Stephen was the image of Steve carrying him out the doors in his car seat. On the days that felt hopeless I imagined my boys stepping into the sunshine together. I pictured thatContinue reading “Coming Home”

Guilt: Episode Two

There is some guilt that I will never shake. It will follow me around like a black cloud wherever I go. This is that guilt. I imagine I am not alone in feeling this. If you are a NICU parent, whether your baby came home or not, I imagine you have felt something similar. IfContinue reading “Guilt: Episode Two”

I don’t feel like peopling today.

Admittedly I have never been a social butterfly. I have friends who I adore and have all the time in the world for. I love them like family and will drop almost anything to catch some rare time with them. None of us are geographically close anymore so our time is precious. These days, however,Continue reading “I don’t feel like peopling today.”

Body Talk

I can’t promise there won’t be TMI in this. Everyone tells you how your body will change during pregnancy and after birth. Stretch marks, a “pouch”, varicose veins and all sorts of other wonderful side effects of growing a human being. I was reading a book recently and the main character had a baby. SheContinue reading “Body Talk”

I’m genuinely happy for you.

If you are pregnant, I wish you a smooth, healthy pregnancy. I hope the morning sickness eases and you get that elusive 2nd trimester glow. I hope baby behaves for their scans and you’re only given good news. I hope your midwives are lovely and your doctor’s kind. I hope your labour is everything youContinue reading “I’m genuinely happy for you.”

Guilt. Episode One.

Guilt and grief seem to go hand in hand, at least for me. Here are some of the things that I have found trigger the guilt. This is something deeply personal and everyone will be affected differently by their experiences and emotions. “How are you still standing? I don’t think I’d be able to getContinue reading “Guilt. Episode One.”

Missing You

7 weeks ago you completed our family. 4 weeks ago you left us. In the early hours of the morning, the quiet at 3am, when sleep evades me, I see us watching your consultant try and keep your tiny heart beating. I can see the scrubbed up nurses and doctors stood around the cot thatContinue reading “Missing You”

Introducing Stephen Alexander Howells

Day 2: I am writing this from the hotel room, two days after our family was completed with the arrival of (& this may be me being bias) the world’s most beautiful little boy. The birth story isn’t particularly traumatic but it wasn’t straightforward either. It turns out, baby is a bit of a dramaContinue reading “Introducing Stephen Alexander Howells”