I guess I haven’t written for a while because I am struggling. There is nothing more to say really, other than what I’ve already said. My son is dead and I am broken. I saw a quote a few years ago, when my brother died, that likened grief to fear. I didn’t understand it fullyContinue reading “The Fear”
Tag Archives: mum
Say His Name.
My little boy existed. He may have only been with us for 20 days. He may not have met anyone but his parents, Grandparents and the staff in hospital, but he existed. My son may not have laughed, smiled or said his first words. He never took a step, felt the breeze on his faceContinue reading “Say His Name.”
Body Talk
I can’t promise there won’t be TMI in this. Everyone tells you how your body will change during pregnancy and after birth. Stretch marks, a “pouch”, varicose veins and all sorts of other wonderful side effects of growing a human being. I was reading a book recently and the main character had a baby. SheContinue reading “Body Talk”
I’m genuinely happy for you.
If you are pregnant, I wish you a smooth, healthy pregnancy. I hope the morning sickness eases and you get that elusive 2nd trimester glow. I hope baby behaves for their scans and you’re only given good news. I hope your midwives are lovely and your doctor’s kind. I hope your labour is everything youContinue reading “I’m genuinely happy for you.”
Guilt. Episode One.
Guilt and grief seem to go hand in hand, at least for me. Here are some of the things that I have found trigger the guilt. This is something deeply personal and everyone will be affected differently by their experiences and emotions. “How are you still standing? I don’t think I’d be able to getContinue reading “Guilt. Episode One.”
Drowning
We go back to work tomorrow. I can’t quite decide how that makes me feel. Apprehensive? Anxious? Relieved to have a little bit of “normal” when everything else feels so alien? Guilt for “getting on” with life? Probably a little bit of all of it. Grief is a fluid emotion. It ebbs and flows aroundContinue reading “Drowning”
Missing You
7 weeks ago you completed our family. 4 weeks ago you left us. In the early hours of the morning, the quiet at 3am, when sleep evades me, I see us watching your consultant try and keep your tiny heart beating. I can see the scrubbed up nurses and doctors stood around the cot thatContinue reading “Missing You”
Introducing Stephen Alexander Howells
Day 2: I am writing this from the hotel room, two days after our family was completed with the arrival of (& this may be me being bias) the world’s most beautiful little boy. The birth story isn’t particularly traumatic but it wasn’t straightforward either. It turns out, baby is a bit of a dramaContinue reading “Introducing Stephen Alexander Howells”
It’s a date!
Last Wednesday was not only my 33wk mark but also the day I found out when they’ll start the process of baby coming into the world! I have, after what feels like an age though I know it isn’t, got my induction date. My first experience of the hospital, when it comes to my ownContinue reading “It’s a date!”
8weeks and counting.
As the birth gets closer my anxiety is growing tenfold. I’ll happily admit that the reason I wasn’t sure I wanted to be a mum was because the idea of childbirth terrified me. None of the options sounded good. Hospitals can be scary, faceless, places and as much as the staff are lovely (the majorityContinue reading “8weeks and counting.”
Our HRHS Journey 