I’ll be completely honest, I haven’t survived losing my son. The Eleanor that walked into the theatre to have him delivered never left that room. A new person was wheeled out and spent the next 20 days at his bedside. The moment his ventilator was taken away and he left us forever, a new versionContinue reading ““I don’t know how you’ve survived””
Tag Archives: HRHS
A year.
Today, September 7th 2021, marks a year to the day that we went for an early scan and saw you for the first time. Your dad had to sit 2m away from me and all I wanted was to hold his hand. Seeing his face when he saw you for the first time, little Sprout,Continue reading “A year.”
Not Everything Happens for a Reason
“You’re only sent that which you’re strong enough to cope with” “Everything happens for a reason” “Special babies are only given to special parents” I don’t mean to offend anyone when I say that to me, those sayings, and any similar, are horseshit. I don’t actually believe I am strong enough to cope with theContinue reading “Not Everything Happens for a Reason”
Coming Home
We picked our son up on July 2nd and brought him home. Something we both held on to while in hospital with Stephen was the image of Steve carrying him out the doors in his car seat. On the days that felt hopeless I imagined my boys stepping into the sunshine together. I pictured thatContinue reading “Coming Home”
Say His Name.
My little boy existed. He may have only been with us for 20 days. He may not have met anyone but his parents, Grandparents and the staff in hospital, but he existed. My son may not have laughed, smiled or said his first words. He never took a step, felt the breeze on his faceContinue reading “Say His Name.”
Drowning
We go back to work tomorrow. I can’t quite decide how that makes me feel. Apprehensive? Anxious? Relieved to have a little bit of “normal” when everything else feels so alien? Guilt for “getting on” with life? Probably a little bit of all of it. Grief is a fluid emotion. It ebbs and flows aroundContinue reading “Drowning”
Missing You
7 weeks ago you completed our family. 4 weeks ago you left us. In the early hours of the morning, the quiet at 3am, when sleep evades me, I see us watching your consultant try and keep your tiny heart beating. I can see the scrubbed up nurses and doctors stood around the cot thatContinue reading “Missing You”
Introducing Stephen Alexander Howells
Day 2: I am writing this from the hotel room, two days after our family was completed with the arrival of (& this may be me being bias) the world’s most beautiful little boy. The birth story isn’t particularly traumatic but it wasn’t straightforward either. It turns out, baby is a bit of a dramaContinue reading “Introducing Stephen Alexander Howells”
It’s a date!
Last Wednesday was not only my 33wk mark but also the day I found out when they’ll start the process of baby coming into the world! I have, after what feels like an age though I know it isn’t, got my induction date. My first experience of the hospital, when it comes to my ownContinue reading “It’s a date!”
8weeks and counting.
As the birth gets closer my anxiety is growing tenfold. I’ll happily admit that the reason I wasn’t sure I wanted to be a mum was because the idea of childbirth terrified me. None of the options sounded good. Hospitals can be scary, faceless, places and as much as the staff are lovely (the majorityContinue reading “8weeks and counting.”
Our HRHS Journey 