“You’re only sent that which you’re strong enough to cope with” “Everything happens for a reason” “Special babies are only given to special parents” I don’t mean to offend anyone when I say that to me, those sayings, and any similar, are horseshit. I don’t actually believe I am strong enough to cope with theContinue reading “Not Everything Happens for a Reason”
Tag Archives: CHD
Guilt. Episode One.
Guilt and grief seem to go hand in hand, at least for me. Here are some of the things that I have found trigger the guilt. This is something deeply personal and everyone will be affected differently by their experiences and emotions. “How are you still standing? I don’t think I’d be able to getContinue reading “Guilt. Episode One.”
Drowning
We go back to work tomorrow. I can’t quite decide how that makes me feel. Apprehensive? Anxious? Relieved to have a little bit of “normal” when everything else feels so alien? Guilt for “getting on” with life? Probably a little bit of all of it. Grief is a fluid emotion. It ebbs and flows aroundContinue reading “Drowning”
Missing You
7 weeks ago you completed our family. 4 weeks ago you left us. In the early hours of the morning, the quiet at 3am, when sleep evades me, I see us watching your consultant try and keep your tiny heart beating. I can see the scrubbed up nurses and doctors stood around the cot thatContinue reading “Missing You”
Introducing Stephen Alexander Howells
Day 2: I am writing this from the hotel room, two days after our family was completed with the arrival of (& this may be me being bias) the world’s most beautiful little boy. The birth story isn’t particularly traumatic but it wasn’t straightforward either. It turns out, baby is a bit of a dramaContinue reading “Introducing Stephen Alexander Howells”
It’s a date!
Last Wednesday was not only my 33wk mark but also the day I found out when they’ll start the process of baby coming into the world! I have, after what feels like an age though I know it isn’t, got my induction date. My first experience of the hospital, when it comes to my ownContinue reading “It’s a date!”
Things that you don’t realise until you’re expecting a critically ill child.
These are all just my personal experiences, I imagine the journey is completely different for every parent going through something like this. I’m 30wks today and as the weeks begin to count down, my anxiety is building back up. I cannot wait to meet him, to see which of us he looks like and seeContinue reading “Things that you don’t realise until you’re expecting a critically ill child.”
11 weeks to go.
Two weeks ago was my (repeatedly rescheduled due to snow) 26wk midwife appointment. I am spoilt with the care I receive from my midwife team. They’re based in a midwife led unit in a town all of 5miles from my home and before diagnosis, I was actually looking forward to giving birth there and withContinue reading “11 weeks to go.”
That’s my secret, I’m always angry.
I think the hardest thing so far has been the anger, swiftly followed by the crippling guilt. The anger is sporadic, chest tightening and blinding. I find myself begrudging anyone else with a “normal” pregnancy. People who are worrying about sleepless nights and nappy changes. I would give everything and anything in this world toContinue reading “That’s my secret, I’m always angry.”
How it began.
It feels like yesterday that I snuck off to take a pregnancy test and saw that little pink line. It didn’t feel real at the time and it often doesn’t now (until I’m booted in the bladder). I still remember the look of shock on Steve’s face when I waved a pee stick at himContinue reading “How it began.”
Our HRHS Journey 