neonatal loss – Page 2 – Our HRHS Journey

Say His Name.

My little boy existed. He may have only been with us for 20 days. He may not have met anyone but his parents, Grandparents and the staff in hospital, but he existed. My son may not have laughed, smiled or said his first words. He never took a step, felt the breeze on his faceContinue reading “Say His Name.”

Guilt: Episode Two

There is some guilt that I will never shake. It will follow me around like a black cloud wherever I go. This is that guilt. I imagine I am not alone in feeling this. If you are a NICU parent, whether your baby came home or not, I imagine you have felt something similar. IfContinue reading “Guilt: Episode Two”

I don’t feel like peopling today.

Admittedly I have never been a social butterfly. I have friends who I adore and have all the time in the world for. I love them like family and will drop almost anything to catch some rare time with them. None of us are geographically close anymore so our time is precious. These days, however,Continue reading “I don’t feel like peopling today.”

I’m genuinely happy for you.

If you are pregnant, I wish you a smooth, healthy pregnancy. I hope the morning sickness eases and you get that elusive 2nd trimester glow. I hope baby behaves for their scans and you’re only given good news. I hope your midwives are lovely and your doctor’s kind. I hope your labour is everything youContinue reading “I’m genuinely happy for you.”

Drowning

We go back to work tomorrow. I can’t quite decide how that makes me feel. Apprehensive? Anxious? Relieved to have a little bit of “normal” when everything else feels so alien? Guilt for “getting on” with life? Probably a little bit of all of it. Grief is a fluid emotion. It ebbs and flows aroundContinue reading “Drowning”

Missing You

7 weeks ago you completed our family. 4 weeks ago you left us. In the early hours of the morning, the quiet at 3am, when sleep evades me, I see us watching your consultant try and keep your tiny heart beating. I can see the scrubbed up nurses and doctors stood around the cot thatContinue reading “Missing You”